Finding Hope in Every Hoofbeat

I’m out of town this week visiting family in Kentucky. Every time I leave home, it’s both a blessing and a nightmare for a control enthusiast like me. Fortunately, my oldest niece lives with me, so I know the horses are in good hands. I am blessed.

Over the years, I’ve learned that no matter where you go, there you are. You can change your location, but you can’t escape the thoughts, habits, and fears that live with you every day.

At the same time, I’ve recently left a 30-year relationship. To be honest, we’ve broken up and reunited many times over the years—but this time feels different.

Let’s unpack that a little.

As I write this, Lizzo’s About Damn Time is playing in the background. I always put on music when I write—it helps me focus (crazy, right?). I’ve listened to this song every day for the past week. Music, poetry, and words give me strength and power in a way very few things can. When I’m sad, I let myself sit in those feelings with sad songs. When I need to power through, I blast the kick-ass ones.

One of my favorite lines from Lizzo’s song is:

“I’m not the girl I was or used to be—bitch, I might be better!”

Ain’t that the truth?

I use many tools to help me when I need them—and I need them quite often. There’s no shame in that. I don’t really believe in “getting over” things anymore. I think we evolve instead—learning what we need from each experience and using that wisdom in new ways.

My Higher Power

I grew up Catholic but moved away from it as soon as I could. In my 50s, I’ve come to appreciate the beauty and spirituality that Catholicism offers. Over time, I’ve explored different faiths and eventually became what I call spiritual but not religious. Through that journey, I came to know God. Our relationship wasn’t strong in the beginning, but it has grown deeply—The Chosen helped with that, too (but I digress).

God, Great Spirit, Higher Power, Allah—whatever name you use—He is who He is. I don’t think what you call Him is as important as having an anchor in life. For me, He is that anchor.

I was never able to be truly me in my relationship. I am a strong, confident, powerful woman—but she hid herself to fit what my partner said he wanted. That changed over our 30 years together. When I moved away and had three years with no contact, she emerged again. When he returned, she disappeared. Now, she’s coming out once more—and I am so in love with her.

I don’t have many people I feel completely safe around, and that’s okay. I am safe with God. I do what I need to feel grounded, and I no longer care what others think about it.

(Commercial break—Lizzo’s “Still Bad” just came on: “Let’s turn that pain into some champagne, baby!” You really can’t feel down listening to Lizzo!)

Let Them (and Let Me)

Mel Robbins has a book called Let Them. The Let Them Theory is a guide to stop letting other people’s opinions, drama, and judgment control your life—with just two words: Let Them. You practice letting go of what others think, feel, do, or say—whether it’s about you or not.

I’m still working on this, and I haven’t done as well as I’d like this week with my parents. But if my mom wants to feel sad or upset about something small—let her. If my ex wants to blame me for the end of our relationship, saying I don’t know who I am or what I want (he’s wrong, by the way)—let him.

Now, the next part is Let Me.

Let Me releases us from the need to control others and shifts our focus to what we can control—our own actions and responses. Let me sit with my mother in her anxiety, offering her calm and support. Let me release my ex—not with anger or blame, but with the understanding that I did my best and that staying was hurting me.

I talk to God about my ex every day. I pray he finds the happiness and peace he’s searching for, too.

(Another soundtrack moment: “Take the Power Back” by Rage Against the Machine. I’m sure I look ridiculous jamming out in Starbucks, but no one else can hear what I’m listening to!)

What This Has to Do with Horses

You may wonder what all this has to do with Equine-Assisted Coaching. I share my life lessons not to tell you what to do, but to give you something to reflect on as you find your own path. You will get through whatever you’re facing. And when you do, it will become a part of you—and you’ll be stronger because of it.

Horses help us do this work.
They teach us to stay present—right where our feet are. They demand it, not just for safety (ever had your foot stepped on by a 1,300-pound animal? Not fun!), but for connection.

I recently read about the philosopher Richard Alpert, who had a mantra: Be here now. I love that. When you’re with horses, that’s exactly what you must do. Horses don’t care if you just broke up with your partner or if your parents are sick. They mirror who you are in that moment.

If you’re angry, they’ll respond with tension.
If you’re scared, they’ll have no one to lean on and become fearful too.
If you’re sad, they’ll mirror your sadness and offer quiet comfort.

That’s their gift to us—helping us recognize where we are emotionally, and through mindful activities and riding, guiding us toward peace and strength.

There is hope in every hoofbeat at Hooves for Hope Equine Services.
Let me know if you’d like to learn more.